Another Year, Another Ramadan, Another Me?

Another Ramadan draws to a close.

What are the current flow of thoughts around?

Preparations for Eid:
Where do we plan to go for Eid namaaz?
Who all will be going along?
What clothes to wear?
Is everything in place - Clothes, shoes, accessories?
What dishes are going to be there to enjoy on Eid?
Where all are we going to visit?
The list is endless.

How many have thought about the questions that really matter?
For example:
Has the Zakatul- Fitr been paid?
Have I taken full advantage of this Holy Month?
Have I been successful in gaining Allah's mercy?
Have I been true to my Creator?
Have I learnt something that I will now integrate in my life?
How have I utilised this month to change for the better?
This is the time to reflect and ponder upon the month that is about to end.

There may be many people who were there the last Ramadan but passed away before the advent of this Ramadan. Who knows which Ramdan may be our last? Which may be our last Sajdah before Allah? Which may be our last chance to pray for His mercy?

Make the most of these precious last moments of Ramadan.
May Allah forgive us, guide us and bless us with another Ramadan.

We Will Always Miss You, Sir

22^nd May 2013, my birthday started with his class. It was a brightening start to a special day. Dr Arshad Anjum, one of my favourite faculty members was taking class. He ended the lecture with his infectious laughter. The laughter that will haunt us forever and ever.

I reacted in disbelief when a friend messaged saying that you had passed away. It couldn't be true. Spoke to other classmates and found them crying since they had heard the news. Checked Facebook, the source of this ghastly news. The recent comments that flooded your photos all said the same thing. I still refused to believe. That smile in the photos looked so within reach. The smile that will haunt us forever and ever.

I messaged a friend who would tell me what was true. I messaged him fighting against all the logic in front of me, hoping against fate. It would all turn out to be a nasty rumour. Sir was still hale and hearty. Before I could hope any further, a message beeped. It’s true, he is no more.

You had once told me how the world worked. You told me not to give a damn shit about my image. I didn't have to pay attention to what people said or thought about me. What mattered was what I wanted to do. If something was right in my eyes, no one’s opinion mattered. You weren't related or known to me. However, you weren’t just another faculty member. Your lovable personality, easy approachability & lively attitude made you different.

Malaysia you had said would be your new abode. We were happy to see you happy though it was difficult to see you move away from Aligarh. When the news hit, I felt the hollowness of your last promises. You had said in class. “I’ll always be there for you when you need me. Don't worry. I'll be more than happy to help you. I'll just be an email away.” You did leave but for a place beyond our reach. You left for a place whose boundaries we can never breach.

Henceforth, my birthday will always be a reminder of the day we last saw you. The last day in the company of a person who left his mark upon us in so short a time.

It will be a torment to attend the Forensic Class on Monday & Wednesday mornings. You will forever be there smiling between slides, intercepting the class with your jokes and walking up and down the stairs in the lecture theatre. All your little gestures, the attendance lists, the impending exam timetable and the exam reviews that followed – everything will be fondly remembered. No one will ever be able to replace you.

We love you, Sir. We will ALWAYS miss you. May Allah bless you with all the bounties of Jannah.

Do You Have A Friend?

Friend

Google it and you find 1,790,000,000 results in 0.25 seconds. Woah!

Now name your true friend.

It is impossible for me to name a single person. I have many friends and the coveted spot can’t accommodate all.

Sitting alone in my room thinking about nothing in particular, I suddenly had this urge to thank all the wonderful friends I have.

So Thank You to all my friends

Thanks to the ones who

Love me

Understand me

Do Not judge me

Think well for me

Made me meet me

Want the best for me

Know what to buy from where

Support me when I am in trouble

Silently listen to my mindless chatter

Share their wildest fantasies with me

Keep a place for me when I am late

Know how I am feeling by my voice

Accept me as I am with all my flaws

Know the answers to all my questions

Make me laugh when I am at my worst

Know the lyrics to all my favourite songs

Make me feel high when I hit rock bottom

Helped me recognise how strong I really am

Make me feel special by what they say or do

Put up with my bad mood or my mood swings

Believed in me when I failed to recognise my self

Help me out however they can whenever they can

Pick up from where we left like nothing has changed

Judge me, criticise me and in the end still support me

Know when I am happy or sad just by looking at me
Run out of balance talking to me & still talk for hours daily

Have been/were/are there for me without me asking them to

Trust me with their secrets. (It is an honour to be a secret-keeper)

Tell me the story of the movies they watched just because I can’t wait to watch it

May not find time to call me otherwise but always make it a point to call me on my birthday

Became my friend when we both least expected it. (I can never work out what our connection is.)

Give me a call as soon as I land whether at home or back in India (The thought that you miss me so much takes me to a different place altogether)

There are also some other friends I must thank. These friends are of a different kind.

Friends who

Defined “fair-weather friends”

Deserted me at my darkest times

Taught me that not all deserve our trust
Showed me how cruel the world can be

Trained me to forgive those who give us wounds that may never heal

Made me realise that nothing stays forever and we have to learn to let go

Only took without giving back anything, without even giving back any friendship

These are friends whom I may remember longer because the lessons they taught run deeper.

Now why did I suddenly sit and write all about this friendship?

Don’t know.

Chatted with another, wished a friend on her birthday, spoke to a friend (who listens to my daily chatter like it is the most important thing in the world), and all of a sudden sat down to write about my friends.

My friends would understand. I do random things at times. This is one of them.

Until Next Time

Yours Friendly

Fatima

You Are To Blame, Ma!

Came back from college and called up home. The conversation between ma & me:

Ma: What’s new?

Me: Nothing.

Ma: Tired

Me: Not really. In fact I am excited. Just a half day tomorrow, then two days off.

Ma: You are going to college for a half day?

Me: Yeah, we’ll still get full attendance.

Ma: You have enough attendance. Bunk tomorrow. Have a three day weekend. Chillax.

Me: Ma, I have to go to class tomorrow.

Ma: Your wish but you can easily have fun for three days. Your sessionals & vivas just got over. Have fun. Hang out with friends. Plan something or just go on hibernation mode for three days.

Me: Ma, thanks. I love you. Though I am still going to college tomorrow, I will make sure I sleep the next two days away.

Ma: Don’t take so much tension. Sooner or later they’ll hand out your MBBS degree. You don't have to die for it. Enjoy. Don't take life out of living. And the most important thing – Whatever you do, BE HAPPY. Anything else? Something you want to say? Am I missing out on any latest gossip from college? Any updates on the guys or girls at college?

Me: Naah, nothing new. Same old. Will chat over the long weekend. Allah Hafiz.

Ma: Sure, Allah Hafiz. Be Happy.

Yes, Mum never raises an eye when I talk about bunking. Rather according to her well-timed bunks are necessary to cool off.

At school, whenever I worried whether my preparation for an exam the following day was complete or not, Ma was always the one who told me to shut my books and go to bed. According to her my tension was unfounded. For me, it was satisfying enough to know that in ma’s eyes I had already done my best. Nothing else mattered.

Most of the mum’s friends go for morning walks or yoga classes. Not my mother.

Mom captains her school faculty’s cricket team, takes match-winning wickets and wins trophies.

This reminds me that both my parents are cricket addicts but dad can never cheer his team like mum does.

Rather it is dad who says, “What are you so serious about? It is just a game”.

Ma, you can never do the ordinary, can you?

Ma always tells me she doesn't want to push me to my limits or anything. She wants me to take life as it comes, one thing at a time.

On the other hand, there is no way she is going to accept even a hint of mediocrity from me.

According to her when I have a mother who is still adding medals, trophies and certificates to her treasure trove, there is no way I can rest on my laurels. She sure knows how to get her point across.

The moments that I love the most are when I am all serious and elderly and ma asks me to take the risk. Give things a try before going for the tried and tested.

Ma: Why don't you get your ears pierced?

Me: No need ma. Don’t feel like I am losing out on anything.

Ma: You are missing out on the infinite choices of earrings that complement your dresses.

Me: Ma, please. I am not really missing out on anything.

Ma: As you like it. We can get it done whenever you want.

Me: Thanks ma.

Ma: Why don't you try contact lenses?

Me: I don't want to.

Ma: I am not going to say no, if that is why you are refusing.

Me: I know ma. You rarely refuse anything to me. But, seriously I don't want to.

Ma: As you like it. Do give it a thought. I know most of your friends do use contacts. May be you too would like to try.

Me: Sure ma. I'll tell you if I want to.

Ma is always up to date with all the latest fashion, fads and everything. So all I do is trust her blindly. If ma likes something for me, it has to be excellent.

Ma, it’s wonderful when I think about something, try unsuccessfully to explain it to you and you get me something even better than what I was trying to get in the first place. You just know what is perfect for me.

People often say a daughter is the reflection of her mother. I don't think I am your reflection yet. There is so much I have to do before I can even be compared to you. However, one thing's for sure. I know where I get the dynamism from.

I rarely conform to orthodox rules and regulations.

I question anything & anyone when they are wrong.

I respect but don't fear authority.

People around me always wonder how someone can be so much a live wire. How someone can live like they want to without thinking about what people say.

They do not know, it is your influence, ma.

Ma, you are my secret-keeper. I have nothing to hide. Nothing to worry about. I am amused at how efficiently you fill in any part that I edit while telling you about something or someone.

I know your prayers always surround me, protect me and are with me. At the end of the day if something does go wrong, you are there for me. You make the world seem alright just by talking to me. Going without talking to you even for a day is like being in a room without oxygen, there is just no way to survive.

I have been writing this article for so many months. I kept editing it since it never seemed right. There is still so much more I had to add to this. I didn't want it to coincide with Mother's Day when the world would be telling how much they love their mums. Anyways, I decided to go ahead with it today because I realised that I can never really say how much you mean to me. 

I just remembered the incident of a man who came to the Prophet (PBUH);

He said he had helped his mother perform Hajj (Muslim Pilgrimage to Makkah) seven times, by carrying her on his shoulders. He asked whether he had repaid his mother for all that she had done for him.

The Prophet (PBUH) said he had failed to even repay his mother for one night that she spent awake when he had fever.

Ma, I can never really do anything for you. I just hope that Allah makes me the pride of your eyes, the prayer on your lips, the warmth of your heart and the coolness of your mind.

Love you ma for everything forever and ever.

PS. Only one person is responsible for all that I am. You are to blame, Ma!

Where Did Time Go?

I last posted on my blog on 2^nd of March. It is more than one month since I posted. How could it be? My situation reminded of something I had once read:
 How did it get so late so soon?
 It's night before it's afternoon.
 December is here before it's June.
 My goodness how the time has flewn.
 How did it get so late so soon?
  ~Dr. Seuss

He who thinks is lost. 
Time and tide wait for no man. 
Money once lost can be regained, time once lost will never come back. 
How many more quotes and sayings do we need to realise that time is of essence?

Even while writing this I had to stop and take a break of about 48 hours. Yes. I wrote this post over two days. 
Why the break?
To put my thoughts in perspective.
There's something at the back of my mind, rather there is something that is on my mind and I keep pushing it to the back. That creates havoc in my land of thoughts. Obviously, the thoughts revolt when they feel they have been denied their rightful place. More about this later, in some other post may be.

Coming back to the original topic of discussion, I haven't actually wasted time. No, In Shaa Allah (If Allah wills) I will never find myself guilty to this crime. I have just utilised my time somewhere else, perhaps in creating moments which I will be happy about later in life.

Life is not just passing by. It is trying to run me over. 
However I won't be hurried along. 
Right now, I feel like I am in two worlds afar. 
Something inside me wants to blaze across like a shooting star.
Then something else that tells me shooting stars don't live long. 
Finally I have decided that at my own unique pace, with life, I will move along.

Yours
Khan, Fatima Khan ;)
                
    

Unexplained

There are times when you cannot explain to your self why you are feeling depressed, bored or just out of sync. You know there is no obvious reason for you to feel so low yet the gloom refuses to budge. You may spend the entire day or even a week or longer moping without any reason.

The good thing is all things pass and so does this phase.

The special feeling is when one is happy without a cause.

Yes, I just lived that day. Not the first time, nevertheless I thought I'd share the happiness. From the morning, all thanks to Allah, I have been feeling happy. There is an inner calm, peace and joy hard to explain even to myself. Some things went wrong today, was on the verge of tears at one point right at the beginning of the day. However Allah just carried me through it all.

When leaving college, the weather was as gloomy as it could be. Dark clouds closing in, chilly winds blowing across and the prospect of an exam the following day looming ahead. Yet I came back smiling. There is something beautiful in store for me somewhere and today that was perhaps the reason for my happiness.

Thanks Allah for the happiness.

Fragile - Handle with Care

"Fragile - Handle With Care"

Seeing this one sticker on any package, even the hastiest of people take care. What if whatever is inside breaks. It must be valuable. It must be really delicate. It may be something very beautiful. Whatever it is sure needs utmost care.

However, we often don’t care for the most beautiful and fragile thing given to us by Allah – our life.

Life is beautiful. Every moment filled with opportunities, immense potential to succeed and yes infinite potential to fail but that is life. It is a complete package – the good with the bad, the sweet with the bitter and at the end of it all we realise whatever happened was for the better.

Being in the medical field one thing you realise is the fragility of life. Looking around one realises that life takes the most unexpected turns and can spring on you the worst shocks. Here today, gone tomorrow. The only thing left behind may be regret.

Regret for not showing the departed all the love and respect they deserved while they were there. It could be a friend, a relative, a child, a parent or a grandparent. The beautiful moments that could have been are lost in a heap of “I wish…”

I am no stranger to death. People around me have passed away leaving behind gaping voids. My grandparents were the ones whose death I am still not over. Their deaths were imminent. The doctors had warned us. Told us to accept it as a reality and say our final goodbyes well in time. But I doubt if anyone can ever bid their loved ones goodbye or accept their permanent departure.

Then there have been the shocking sudden deaths of classmates and some other people even younger to me among our friend circles. They hadn’t seen anything in life. They were still beginners in this game called life. I wonder time and again whether they would have lived differently if they knew they had a limited time.

Reading ‘The Casual Vacancy’ last night, I was reminded once again of the vulnerability of life. It is a beautiful book, a tragicomedy described by some. What it really has is a thread running throughout reminding that life is to be handled with care lest we do it some permanent damage.

People throw away their life so easily. They let people, who barely matter, destroy their lives. Some tie their life to people, some to love, some to hate, some to goals, some to ambitions, some to things inanimate but in the end everything is illusory. We forget that life is not. Let’s tie our life to something immortal today.

Tie our life to the unending love of Allah. His love is complete, pure and boundless. This one bond has the power to take care of all other bonds. If this one bond in our life is nurtured right from the cradle we will know the true value of the gifts showered upon us. Forget the cradle since one can’t be born again. Take a vow today. Promise yourself that if there is only one wish you can fulfil, it will be the wishes of Allah, the Almighty. Do as you are bidden to do by Him. All your troubles, your desperations will disappear into smoke and a beautiful calm will set in. Close to Him, you realise that life is transient and so are all its trials and tribulations. If He has given us a challenge He has also given us the strength to overcome it.

We are given one life and if lived right, once is more than enough.