Unexplained

There are times when you cannot explain to your self why you are feeling depressed, bored or just out of sync. You know there is no obvious reason for you to feel so low yet the gloom refuses to budge. You may spend the entire day or even a week or longer moping without any reason.

The good thing is all things pass and so does this phase.

The special feeling is when one is happy without a cause.

Yes, I just lived that day. Not the first time, nevertheless I thought I'd share the happiness. From the morning, all thanks to Allah, I have been feeling happy. There is an inner calm, peace and joy hard to explain even to myself. Some things went wrong today, was on the verge of tears at one point right at the beginning of the day. However Allah just carried me through it all.

When leaving college, the weather was as gloomy as it could be. Dark clouds closing in, chilly winds blowing across and the prospect of an exam the following day looming ahead. Yet I came back smiling. There is something beautiful in store for me somewhere and today that was perhaps the reason for my happiness.

Thanks Allah for the happiness.

Happy Diamond Jubilee!

The blog celebrated it's Golden Jubilee Post on Sunday, September 30, 2012.(http://dynamicexistence.blogspot.in/2012/09/happy-golden-jubilee.html)

And on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 I am celebrating my Diamond Jubilee Post. Yes, 60 posts written till date. What makes me happy is it is a mixed genre of 10 posts that contributed in turning my Golden Jubilee to a Diamond Jubilee.

Family, friends, well-wishers, critics, readers, inspirations and above all Allah... Thanks for giving me another reason to celebrate.

For the Diamond Jubilee celebrations, I thought of something different. 3 lucky people who comment on this post will get a chance to have a post written all about them. So go ahead, try your luck.

Remember me in your prayers.

Gratefully Yours
Fatima Khan

Postscript: If someone wants to gift me a Diamond for the Jubilee, you are always welcome. ;)

Total Acceptance

Humans are a complex species. They put on their best behaviour with people they are not related to. And when in the company of those they love, they behave impulsively without any care. But one thing is sure, if someone loves you, they accept you as a whole – both your best and your worst.

Anyone who meets me in college or while I am out with friends will instantly be taken by my smile, care-free attitude and infinite energy. There are no pretences at all. To teachers, friends, acquaintances, relatives who are elder or younger to me and to people I hardly know, I am the sweetest person they know. Anger, short of temper, mood swings, stubbornness and procrastination are traits they would never associate with me.

Shift to home, I am easily irritable, difficult to please and won’t get up to switch on the light of the room I am in. Even if it means waiting and screaming for my sister to come all the way from the living room or even if she has to stop doing her work for a while.

Why the shift, one may wonder…

The reason is simple. I take home for granted.

I know Ma is always going to be there fussing over me, cooking the best delicacies and catering to my smallest requirements.

Dad is going to be there to take care of everything.

My siblings are going to be there to help me with anything I am a dummy at, to fetch me things even a stone’s throw from me, listen to my mindless ranting and bear with my unjustifiable mood swings.

And if these things change just a teeny weeny bit, I explode like a nuclear bomb without any notice…. And the love flows in to repair the damage.

But now that I am alone, away from home, I realise how I have always taken the best relations in my life for granted.

Whenever I am feeling low, I miss ma & my siblings. They would do everything possible in a moment’s notice if they felt I was unwell or glum.

Ma, I am sorry for every time I have acted like a brat. You know I am not like that. Sometimes I just want to get attention. I want to steal you away from my siblings and as Ayesha says I do that on so many occasions.

Ma, I can never thank you enough. You are the one who taught me to dream. You gave me wings and taught me to fly. You were the one who always pushed me to do better than my best. Just being the best among others was never enough for you. If I had to see your smile and the pride in your eyes I had to break all previous records of my best performance. That has given me a rock-solid foundation & unquestionable work ethics. Thanks for teaching me it was acceptable to fail but never acceptable to cheat. Thanks for the wonderful advices. Thanks for all the trust you place in me and thanks for all the suspicions you harbour against me.

Thank you for introducing me to the Quran at such an early age. Thanks for teaching me about the most important relation in the world – the relation with Allah. Ma, even if I used all the water in the oceans to thank you, I would fall short. I hope I fulfil all your expectations from me in the best way I can.

I love you ma. I love you a lot more than I can ever say or show. I miss you every second I am alone.

But I also love my independence and you know that… ;)

In fact if there is anyone who knows me well, it is you. You know all that I tell you & all that I don’t. You know what the reason for my smiles and the reason behind my tears. You know everything but then I expect that from you… After Allah, it is Ma who knows everything…

Dad, Thanks for everything.

There’s one thing I can never forget and I always tell my friends – Dad took me to the 3am launch to a mall which was an hour from our house only because I wanted to be one of the first few to get my hands on the Harry Potter book. Thanks for the Personality Development Courses, Public Speaking Courses and all the ways that you tried to break the introvert I was. No one here will believe today I could not stand in front of an audience at some point of time. Today I can single-handedly rock the stage.

Ayesha, I already wrote you a poem telling you how much you mean to me though I usually behave otherwise. I am sorry for all the times when I stole ma from your important moments. My seriously falling ill timings are so wrongly timed. I am extremely sorry for that Ayesha. I respect you for all those times when you have managed without ma.

Girl, there’s so much I can learn from you. I promise I eventually will. You took on my no-nonsense attitude so well though you are at home in the protection of the whole family. And from the time I have moved away from home, I have taken more on your no pretences care-free attitude. So we both are half-way earning each other’s skills… No need to worry, you know that. What people see is just the tip of the ice-berg and you know me well. And yes, thanks for all the criticism and all the praise. It is you who are my most genuine objective feedback. I know you hate it when I write overly sentimental pieces but darling, I like writing them too. Thanks Ayesha for always being there when I am in tension and nothing in the world can calm me. Thanks for all your pep-talks. Love you, Sweetheart.

Imran, I love you brother. Whenever I see a bro-sis hanging out together or see a guy your age… I stop in my tracks. I want to be there fussing over you, nagging you with studies and irritating you to take photos whenever I dress up. I am sorry Imran for all the moments that I have played the spoilsport and told your secrets to ma. It was always in your best interest, brother. I am sorry for all the times when I have spoiled our outings with my unnecessary mood swings.

Thanks for always being there. Love you, brother.

Ma, Dad, Ayesha & Imran – all of you have been extremely competitive in your respective fields and it always encourages me to add to my family’s honour. I am proud of all your achievements and may you all be right at the top. Love you all.

Bi, Rashid Mamma, Annu Mamma – you all have played major roles in my life too but the good thing is I have never taken you for granted… It is the mistake which I commit time and again with my immediate family members.

Thank you everybody for bearing with me through my best and worst. I wouldn't have been the same without you. Thanks for the total acceptance.

Yours and only yours
Fatima

Happy Golden Jubilee

I rarely depended on others to acknowledge my achievements, so let me go ahead and give myself another pat on the back. Congratulations to dynamic Me for my 50th post on the blog...

And what better an occasion too. My Blog's Golden Jubilee coincides with the Golden Jubilee celebrations of Jawaharlal Nehru Medical College & Hospital, Aligarh Muslim University, India. That is the college where I study. Love serendipity.

Let me take this opportunity to thank those who have helped me come this far.
All thanks to Allah for the talent He has blessed me with. I can never thank Him enough, His bounty is limitless.
Thanks Mum, Dad, Ayesha & Imran for all the times you have been at the receiving end of my random writings. Ayesha, Thank you for the wonderful blog interface and for being my PRO. I wouldn't have come this far. Also Thank you for putting up with my "suicidal" poetry.
Thanks Rashid Mamma because you have helped me write when I thought English creative writing was an art I would never learn.
Thanks to all my English teachers. There were those who said I was too science oriented to write creatively. Then there were those who said my writing lacked edge. There were some who said may be prose but poetry was not meant for me. Then there were others. There were some who helped me, nurtured my talent and showed me newer horizons. Thanks to all of them. My experience would be incomplete even if one of them hadn't been there at the right time.
Thanks to all my inspirations. Some know who they are and which posts they have inspired while others don't. To everyone, Thanks.

And thanks to those who made this blog a success - my Followers & my Readers. Thanks to all those who read the blog as they have no other way to stop my pestering. And to those who read the blog without me having to tell them anything,  thanks for being there.

Also a request to all my readers and followers out there... Leave comments for me. Tell me what you think of a particular post. Your thoughts add to mine.

Gratefully Yours
Fatima Khan

Another year has passed...

I know. This is not last week of December or first week January to write about endings or new beginnings.
BUT I just completed my first year as an MBBS undergrad. And it sure feels good.
I have survived one year of total fun, somehow managed to study and surprisingly remember some facts which to others seem like interesting trivia.
The year had its highlights.

I started with a month long bunk. Hurrah!

Made friends soon after I joined and my table mates (yes, the last table in the DH) are one-of-a-kind.

Tariq, your Birthday was fun. My first in Aligarh. Thanks to Fatima & Hira for the invite. Girls, you gave me some cool memories.

Being the Class Representative (CR)...Had a nice time doing whatever I did during the unofficial CR tenure. All thanks to Professor P.N. Singh (Physiology Department-JNMC,Aligarh).

The Agra Tour was beautiful. Thanks to everybody responsible for it - Sahleen, Mohsina, Juhi, Sohaib, Tariq, Baqar, Gavendra and if I missed anyone, thanks to them too.

Then came the Oh-So-Coveted Miss Freshers Title. Yes!!! I won it. It has its own story but who really cares and the ones who really do know about it already. ;)

And my batch mates - Unbelievable Selection!

Had fun with all the 150. Though haven't really got a chance to speak to every one of them but somewhere or the other they have played their roles, beautifully.

Topper's Gang - What would I have done without you. Thanks for being there guys. You made life rocking for me. Continue to rock the second professional year ahead and until we stay in JNMCH, ROCK ON!
(The Topper's Gang - Tariq, AbdulRehman, Zaid, Sohaib & Aqib. And Gavendra. Well, Rana is in a league of his own. :P)
Kulsum & Sumayya - Thanks sweethearts :) There is a lot to write about you & I may still miss out. So just THANKS :)
Urooj, Bushra, Sana Nawab, Sana Ansari, Naseha, Nazia, Nuha, Navnika, Zikki, Kifah, Sania, Shadma and all others - what memorable times in one year.
Thanks Sumbul, Sana Nawab, Anuradha & Hania for the scooty rides.
Anuradha & Hania - Early morning, getting late to class & tired of walking from my place to college. Enter two sweet people who would readily give me a ride to college.
Sana Nawab - Thanks. Have some shweet memories with you. And girl when you say something all sweet and nice to me... It does take some time to get back to Planet Earth. :)
Sumbul - Thanks for dropping me home everyday during the Profs. Can not thank you enough.

The train journeys between Delhi, Rampur and Aligarh have been interesting. Travelling without a reservation, buying general tickets, getting on the spot upgradation to AC coaches. Standing all the way from Aligarh to Ghaziabad. Borrowing money from Navnika to pay the coolie and then reminding myself everyday to return the money to her on the first day I meet her. :P
Oh yes, the train and aeroplane journeys or gave me some new friends - Chanchal, one click and friends :)

The year taught me that some decisions cannot wait and must be taken immediately. There may be infinite excuses to put them off. But if one is alert and can just see Allah's signs in time, one has nothing to worry about.

We were to give our Anatomy Table Viva. The night before the exam something untoward took place at the Boys Hostel and the classes were suspended for some days. Within hours I was on my way to Rampur to meet my ailing grandma (nani). Spent just about 48 hours with her but who knew they were meant to be our last moments together. May Allah bless her soul.

I had a short bunk again when I had to go to Dubai for my visa renewal. A good escape from routine and ma visited me just before Terminal Exams. Both events were sudden but served as a recharge.

The Profs (First Year Professional Exams or as Anoop Sir used to say Pehli Vaiwasahik Pareeksha) passed fast and took away my wallet with them. Yeah. lost... No no, didn't lose it. Had my wallet stolen during exams. A minor problem but a major complication with me preparing for the exams and rushing to the bank and getting a nice lecture for many days from ma... Sorry Ma but how could I KNOW?!

The year's mention would be incomplete if I do not mention the Student Union Elections. The Elections were just as political as the Lok Sabha Elections. And I thought being in MBBS just meant studying. Being in AMU means even Doctors have their role in politics ;)
Not sure about others but I sure enjoyed the whole election season from the sidelines. And the Court Member Elections were even more interesting than the General Union Elections.

What else...What else... So much more and yet nothing more to add to this post...

A big thank you to all the teachers who shared with us their immense knowledge in hope that we become good doctors of the future. Hope your hard work bears fruit.

Thanks to those who made the class super interesting and made us realise our shortcomings, our ignorance, etc etc etc... The Questioners (Pls. No offence meant at all here) Shah Huzaifa & Sahleen. What would Batch 2K11 be without you? And of course our in-class Wikipedia pro - Obaid.

And then there are some people who have been with me throughout the year, not in college, but listening to all that happened at College & have been my support system. Thanks Rashid mamma, Ayesha, Imran, Ma, Saman, Reshma Mami, Rashid Mama, Jhilmil, Faguni, Poorva, Renu, Akku, Shahana, Shifa, Iqra, Saeeda, Sheeza, Haleema Appi, Arham, Arqam, Junaid, both my lovely aunts -Asma Khala & Reshma Khala, Vishal, Vinay & Saad.
Ankur, you read my posts, thanks. Been nice talking to you everytime. And finally I kept my promise of mentioning you in my blog. I have to write about us as kids but would you really like to read what I got to write... I wonderrr ;)
Archana & Madhyama - Would love to meet you both but I still could not manage to... Sorry and surely we do have lots to catch up on.
Vidisha - our phone calls, though just twice a year - on your birthday and mine - mean the world.
Since I just thanked everyone I ought to, Maria & Vansh crossed my mind.
Maria Zafar, cousin of cousin ( he he), fellow writer and someone who has given me some enjoyable reads. Thanks :)
Vansh, if I took all that you say to head, I would be the most snobbish person on earth. :P
Your words of praise have always been encouraging. Thanks :)

A big Thanks to Gulf News! Yes, it is the newspaper whose website gives me the chance to forget where I am. Sitting in India, the pages make me feel like I am back home. And participating in the live debates makes me feel sooo alive while I am on the go (India, UAE or even from the airports).
 Thanks Gulf News!

The beautiful interesting blessed year would have come to an end with my first Ramadan in Aligarh but Allah had His own plans. And here I am writing poems and updating my blog while observing the Holy Month in one of my favourite places on earth - UAE.

All in all, Thanks Allah for being there and giving me such a beautiful first year in college.

Yours forever grateful
  Fatima