My Sweetheart, My Brother

I had a lot on my mind and a lot more on my hands. I was doing my work when suddenly I had the urge to surf Facebook. Yes, Facebook, one of the easiest ways to get distracted and lose track of time.

Scrolling through the timeline I stopped to like a photo from my brother’s farewell. I scrolled further but just a post later I was back at his photos. I sat and looked through all the photos from the Farewell and the After-Farewell Party.

Once I was done seeing the photos, I sat and wept. I lost track of time completely and went through the album of memories. Every single moment spent with my siblings carefully captured and kept at the back of my mind.

I start to cry again as I write this.

Where did all the time go? When did my little brother born on 12 July 1996 grow up to stand tall (taller than me, finally!) as a 17 going on 18 smart and handsome adolescent?

Right now I just want to hug him and tell him all this

Imran, I love you. You mean the world to me and a lot more. If I could, I would write every happiness in the world in your fate. I don’t know if you remember but I as kids when you were 3 and I was 8, whenever you got scolded for some mistake it was I who used to start crying before you. I could never see anyone hurt you in any way.

I have always wanted life to give me the best. If there is anyone I wish to see happier than me it is you and Ayesha. I want you both to reach success in your respective fields and bring pride to our parents. (Tell Ayesha, there will be another emotionally charged write-up for her sometime but this one is for you alone.)

I haven’t been a really close sister. During the years when I wanted to be next to you the most, I had to be away. My career choice, my life, my ambition distanced us but only physically. At heart, we have never been apart.

I know how much the tumultuous times in my life have troubled you, Imran. I know how you value every little thing that is related to me.

Being away wasn’t all bad though. It has made me realise how much I love you and how much you really mean to me.

It has also given me the chance of acting like the youngest and the brattiest of the three. I know when I come back home every six months, I have a brother and sister waiting for me. Waiting to fulfil all my little desires – shawarma, ice-cream, pizza get together and so much more. Thanks sweetheart.

Dear not-so-little-any-more brother,

Step into this challenging world very carefully. Be mindful of all the pitfalls you have been warned about. Remember the values you have been taught. You don’t have to commit all mistakes on your own, learn from the mistakes of others and don’t repeat them. If you ever err, know that there is someone here who is always there for you. Someone who will not judge you, someone who will accept you and help you get over whatever mistake you make.

(I promise I won’t tell mum like I have as a kid. Believe me it was only always for your betterment but I won’t tell on you now.)

As your Board exams approach, I know the pressure that is there for a good result. You have the added pressure of two outstanding results from your sisters to live up to. Go out there confident! Surprise everyone. Ace the Boards better than your sisters.

Every single moment I am going to be praying for your bright future. Till the day you join the course and college of your choice, I am not going to be able to breathe easy. Especially till April, I am going to be as tensed as I had been during my Boards. You remember those dreadful days, right?

I am always there 24/7 for you via Gmail, Skype, WhatsApp, phone and any other means you can think of.

May Allah guide you and help you in all your endeavours.

Love and best wishes,

Yours

Fatima

PS. Love you brother. You mean the world to me and a lot more.

Where Did Time Go?

I last posted on my blog on 2^nd of March. It is more than one month since I posted. How could it be? My situation reminded of something I had once read:
 How did it get so late so soon?
 It's night before it's afternoon.
 December is here before it's June.
 My goodness how the time has flewn.
 How did it get so late so soon?
  ~Dr. Seuss

He who thinks is lost. 
Time and tide wait for no man. 
Money once lost can be regained, time once lost will never come back. 
How many more quotes and sayings do we need to realise that time is of essence?

Even while writing this I had to stop and take a break of about 48 hours. Yes. I wrote this post over two days. 
Why the break?
To put my thoughts in perspective.
There's something at the back of my mind, rather there is something that is on my mind and I keep pushing it to the back. That creates havoc in my land of thoughts. Obviously, the thoughts revolt when they feel they have been denied their rightful place. More about this later, in some other post may be.

Coming back to the original topic of discussion, I haven't actually wasted time. No, In Shaa Allah (If Allah wills) I will never find myself guilty to this crime. I have just utilised my time somewhere else, perhaps in creating moments which I will be happy about later in life.

Life is not just passing by. It is trying to run me over. 
However I won't be hurried along. 
Right now, I feel like I am in two worlds afar. 
Something inside me wants to blaze across like a shooting star.
Then something else that tells me shooting stars don't live long. 
Finally I have decided that at my own unique pace, with life, I will move along.

Yours
Khan, Fatima Khan ;)