I will always miss her...
I am where I belong & the house means a lot to me even today. But the one who made it home is no more.
I dreaded returning to the city. Why was it necessary?
I lingered in the courtyard as long as I could. As I entered the house, my eyes searched for her, my heart wished she was here but my mind knew she would now never be near.
Thankfully due to the recent renovation work, the rooms were differently set. If all would have been exactly the same, her absence would have struck me hard.
I distracted myself for a long time. Finally I decided to pay attention to my feelings. Surprisingly, there were none. My heart was bereft of all feelings.
There was a sudden pang of realisation. It went away as suddenly as it had come. It has been the same as long as I can remember.
My heart has decided to shield itself as long as it can. I know the reality but my heart fails to accept it. I cannot comprehend why it is so or when the point will hit home. Maybe never.
I have decided not to fight myself any longer. My mind knows. My heart does not want to listen . Fine.
I won't think about it any longer. Let me tell you about something else...
I don't know if I mentioned this earlier, just one last thing... I will always miss her...
PS. The post is all about the confused ramblings of my heart as I entered my maternal grandmother's house first time after her demise.
I am where I belong & the house means a lot to me even today. But the one who made it home is no more.
I dreaded returning to the city. Why was it necessary?
I lingered in the courtyard as long as I could. As I entered the house, my eyes searched for her, my heart wished she was here but my mind knew she would now never be near.
Thankfully due to the recent renovation work, the rooms were differently set. If all would have been exactly the same, her absence would have struck me hard.
I distracted myself for a long time. Finally I decided to pay attention to my feelings. Surprisingly, there were none. My heart was bereft of all feelings.
There was a sudden pang of realisation. It went away as suddenly as it had come. It has been the same as long as I can remember.
My heart has decided to shield itself as long as it can. I know the reality but my heart fails to accept it. I cannot comprehend why it is so or when the point will hit home. Maybe never.
I have decided not to fight myself any longer. My mind knows. My heart does not want to listen . Fine.
I won't think about it any longer. Let me tell you about something else...
I don't know if I mentioned this earlier, just one last thing... I will always miss her...
PS. The post is all about the confused ramblings of my heart as I entered my maternal grandmother's house first time after her demise.
